Divorce

Rev. David G Bostick
10-04-09

Introduction

Key Verse

Matthew 7:24 (NASB)
  Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock.

In our text today, Jesus talks about two, seemingly different topics, the devastation of divorce and the command to make NO oaths. I propose to you this morning that in the greater context of all the Scriptures, the prevention of divorce depends on understanding Jesus teaching of oaths and vows.

I. Divorce

Understanding the Text - (Mt. 5:31-32)

Matthew 5:31-32 (NASB)
  [31] "It was said, 'WHOEVER SENDS HIS WIFE AWAY, LET HIM GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE';
  [32] but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

There are two Greek words used for divorce in verse 31. The first is seen in the words "certificate of divorce". It is the Greek word 'apostasion' (G647). It is a noun that means; "a defection, a standing off, to cause to withdraw". (Vine's) Think about that for a moment; "a defection". A defection is: 1. Withdrawing support or help despite allegiance or responsibility." (WordWeb) Having been through a divorce myself I cannot think of a better term to describe the process.

The second Greek word is seen in the words "SENDS" and "AWAY". It is the Greek word 'apoluo', (G630). It is a verb often translated as divorce in the New Testament.

It is made up of two words; from (G575) and loose (G3089). Literally, it means; "to let loose from, to loose or unbind a person or thing. (I) To free from, relieve from (II) to release, let go free, set at liberty (III) spoken of a wife, to let go free, put away, dismiss, with the presupposition that the dismissed wife is innocent and, according to (Deut. 24:1-4), deserves a bill of divorcement which was equivalent to a certificate of innocence(Mt. 5:31, 32; 19:3). So also of a husband in (Mk. 10:12).

"In (Mt. 5:32) it refers to an innocent, unjustifiably dismissed wife who, because she was not given a bill of divorcement, i.e. a certificate of innocence, had to bear the stigma of guilt as if she were an adulteress. See (Mt. 19:9) for another innocent woman, and (Lk. 16:18) refers to a guilty wife. (CWS-NT)

We should also understand the meaning to the Greek word used in verse 32 for "unchastity". It is the word 'porneia'(G4202). It means: "to commit fornication, lewdness, or any sexual sin. It ... stands for or includes adultery. (CWS-NT)

Inspecting the Roots of the Text - (Mt. 19:1-9)

It is important that to know that Jesus was not just making things up as He spoke. The roots for His teachings reach deep into the Old Testament and His teaching on divorce is no exception. That brings us to:

Matthew 19:1-9 (NASB)
  [1] When Jesus had finished these words, He departed from Galilee and came into the region of Judea beyond the Jordan;
  [2] and large crowds followed Him, and He healed them there.
  [3] Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?"
  [4] And He answered and said, "Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE,
  [5] and said, 'FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH'?
  [6] "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."
  [7] They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY?"
  [8] He said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way.
  [9] "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery."

The sanctity of this one flesh union of a man and a woman is the Biblical definition of marriage. The question from the Pharisees was about divorce for any reason. I think the real motive here was to find the line where a man and a woman can break this one flesh union.

Jesus' reply was to establish the foundation for the relationship between a man and a woman in the marriage relationship. His definition was a simple quote from the Old Testament. 'FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH'.

To further press the matter, they talk about how Moses allowed the people to give certificates of divorce. This gives Jesus the opportunity to go even deeper with the teaching behind the sanctity of the marriage relationship.

Jesus' reply: "Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives;". It is worth looking at the word Jesus used here for "hardness of heart". The same Greek word is used for both hardness and heart. It is the Greek word 'sklerokardia' (G4641). It means:

"Hard heart, stubbornness, obstinacy, perverseness. It indicates man's attitude toward God and His grace when he ought to have a willing and receptive heart." (CWS-NT)

Now, apply this to a marriage relationship. Having done marriage counseling for more than 35 years, I can tell you that it is hard hearts that destroy marriages and cause divorce. This is what Jesus is trying to get across in our text today.

In verse 9, Jesus gives the one legitimate reason for divorce, immorality. The Greek word used here for immorality is the same Greek word Jesus used in Mt. 5:32, for unchastity. So, in all other cases, the married couple has the responsibility to work out their differences. This brings us to the second part of our text for today, which deals with the integrity of marriage.

II. Integrity

Understanding the Text - (Mt. 5:33-37)

Matthew 5:33-37 (NASB)
  [33] "Again, you have heard that the ancients were told, 'YOU SHALL NOT MAKE FALSE VOWS, BUT SHALL FULFILL YOUR VOWS TO THE LORD.'
  [34] "But I say to you, make no oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God,
  [35] or by the earth, for it is the footstool of His feet, or by Jerusalem, for it is THE CITY OF THE GREAT KING.
  [36] "Nor shall you make an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black.
  [37] "But let your statement be, 'Yes, yes' or 'No, no'; anything beyond these is of evil.

Key Words:

There are some key words we need to understand here. Don't zone out on me because it is important to understand the words Jesus is using in this passage. We will see that this passage is a direct response to the sin of adultery and questions about divorce.

The first is the word vows. In verse 33 Jesus said, "You shall not make false vows..." The three words, MAKE, FALSE, and VOWS, are all the same Greek word. It is the word epiorkeo (G1964).

The word means: "Contracted, comes from a Greek word (G1965) which means a perjured person. To swear falsely, not to fulfill one's oath." (CWS-NT) I don't think this is a coincidence that Jesus teaching on vows and oaths follows His teaching on adultery and divorce. dgb

The second key word we want to understand is the word fulfill used in verse 33. Jesus said, "You shall not make false vows, but shall fulfill your vows to the Lord."

This Greek word for fulfill is apodiomi (G591) and it means: "To give or to do something necessary in fulfillment of an obligation or expectation" (CWS-NT)

This Greek word is much stronger that than just making a vow, taking an oath, or promising to do something. This word indicates that one will do what ever it takes to fulfill an obligation or expectation. It is what Jesus intends when He says to let your statement be Yes, yes or No, no. Don't just make promises, but do what ever it takes to fulfill your obligations.

Oaths: "horkos (G3727) - an oath, for what is promised with an oath." (CWS-NT)

Evil: "poneros (G4190) - often refers to something particularly causing hurt, hurtful, with injurious words. Also painful, grievous." (CWS-NT)

In verses 34 and 36, Jesus uses the word oath. In verse 34 He says, "...make no oath at all..." and in verse 36, He says, "Nor shall you make an oath..." The words "make and oath" in both of these verses are the same Greek word.

Omnuo (G3660) means to take or make an oath. It is the opposite of epiorkeo (G1964) which Jesus used in verse 33 meaning to make a false vow.

Are you still with me? Don't zone out, this is important. Jesus is trying to get across that we are not to make promises because we may not be able to keep them. Making promises, taking vows or oaths stands in contrast to just saying yes or no. If the habit of your life is that when you say you will do something, your yes, you do it with every ounce of your capacity; you will have a reputation as one with integrity.

If you say yes to something that becomes impossible to carry out, those who know your integrity will still count you as one with integrity even though you could not fulfill this one thing.

If you have no integrity, if that is your reputation, people will not believe you so it does no good to take an oath or make a promise. So, integrity is better than any oath we could take, and better than anything we might swear to or swear by.

We need to look at the key words in the last verse of our text. In verse 37, Jesus says, "let your statement be, Yes, yes or No, no..."

Statement: "logos (G3056), to speak intelligently. Intelligence, word as the expression of intelligence, discourse, saying, thing. Word, both the act of speaking and the thing spoken." (CWS-NT) Jesus used this word to describe Himself in several places.

Yes: "nai (G3483), a practice of affirmation, used to answer a question, in assent to an assertion, confirmation of an assertion. Used in repetition for emphasis. (Vine's) Used as a strong affirmation. (CWS-NT)

Now, it becomes clear to me that Jesus purposefully followed his teachings on adultery and divorce with this passage on purpose. Just think about this approach and understanding as applied to the marriage vows.

Your statement of affirmation and acceptance of the wedding vows is to speak intelligence. It is a strong affirmation of what you are making a commitment to in those vows. It is a statement of affirmation that goes beyond the emotions, feelings, and chemistry of the desire or lust for marriage.

It has intelligent thought behind it, which considers, as much as possible, the full consequences of this declaration of affirmation, this yes to another individual for the rest of your life. It is an intelligence that has sought out the knowledge of the integrity of the one they make the vows with.

Details like knowing their personality, talents, spiritual commitment, habits, background, dreams, hurts, abuses, failures, successes... I could go on, but the point is getting to the point where we say yes to a partner for life in marriage, should be done very carefully and very thoroughly.

Integrity is the Foundation for Marriage

This integrity is the foundation for the marriage relationship. It gets one beyond the ups and downs of the passions, emotions, and feelings of the marriage relationship. The marriage relationship is not based on a vow or promise made. It is not based on the passions, emotions, and feelings of the individuals that enter into the relationship.

The very foundation of the marriage relationship is based on the integrity of the two people who make a lifelong commitment to each other. When they say yes to the vows they make on their wedding day that yes is based on the integrity of the person saying yes.

"For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death parts us", is not just a statement in a traditional ceremony. When each individual says yes to these vows, they are making a statement about their integrity. To break these vows, in any way, is to show that you have no integrity.

If an individual thinks they will not have tough times during their marriage relationship, they are sadly mistaken. Tough times will come in many forms, thrown at us by Satan. In every culture and time period of history, sexual temptations of every kind have been prevalent. Today in our culture, we are not exempt from Satan's use of this familiar tactic.

I believe that is why Jesus talks about vows and oaths just after talking about divorce and unchastity. If either partner lacks integrity, the foundation for the marriage relationship is on quicksand. It takes integrity on the part of both of the individuals to have a firm foundation for the marriage relationship.

These are the words of Christ, the solid rock foundation, we can build our lives on. These are the words we can build a solid marriage on. Integrity is letting your yes be yes and your no be no.

A Painful Example

Herod Makes a Promise

Mark 6:14-29 (NASB)
  [14] And King Herod heard of it, for His name had become well known; and people were saying, "John the Baptist has risen from the dead, and that is why these miraculous powers are at work in Him."
  [15] But others were saying, "He is Elijah." And others were saying, "He is a prophet, like one of the prophets of old."
  [16] But when Herod heard of it, he kept saying, "John, whom I beheaded, has risen!"
  [17] For Herod himself had sent and had John arrested and bound in prison on account of Herodias, the wife of his brother Philip, because he had married her.
  [18] For John had been saying to Herod, "It is not lawful for you to have your brother's wife."
  [19] Herodias had a grudge against him and wanted to put him to death and could not do so;
  [20] for Herod was afraid of John, knowing that he was a righteous and holy man, and he kept him safe. And when he heard him, he was very perplexed; but he used to enjoy listening to him.
  [21] A strategic day came when Herod on his birthday gave a banquet for his lords and military commanders and the leading men of Galilee;
  [22] and when the daughter of Herodias herself came in and danced, she pleased Herod and his dinner guests; and the king said to the girl, "Ask me for whatever you want and I will give it to you."
  [23] And he swore to her, "Whatever you ask of me, I will give it to you; up to half of my kingdom."
  [24] And she went out and said to her mother, "What shall I ask for?" And she said, "The head of John the Baptist."
  [25] Immediately she came in a hurry to the king and asked, saying, "I want you to give me at once the head of John the Baptist on a platter."
  [26] And although the king was very sorry, yet because of his oaths and because of his dinner guests, he was unwilling to refuse her.
  [27] Immediately the king sent an executioner and commanded him to bring back his head. And he went and had him beheaded in the prison,
  [28] and brought his head on a platter, and gave it to the girl; and the girl gave it to her mother.
  [29] When his disciples heard about this, they came and took away his body and laid it in a tomb.

When it says that Herod swore, it uses this same word that Jesus uses in our text today which is translated as oath. Herod did the very thing Jesus tells us not to do; he made an oath that he was obligated to carry out and added to the pressure was expectations of his guests.

The lesson in this example is important. It shows us the danger of making an oath or taking a vow in a moment of passion, based on feelings and emotions. Especially in this example with the desires of a man stirred by the observation of the movements of a young female dancer.

Herod's reputation would indicate that this was probably a very sensual dance, presented to please the men he had invited to celebrate his birthday. The fact that he lured his current wife away from his brother is an indication of his moral character and integrity.

Conclusion

Jesus says that divorce, for any reason other than unchastity, is a violation of a person's integrity. I believe we can also draw from the context and teachings of the New Testament that to enter into a marriage relationship based solely on vows is a mistake. The real basis for a solid rock foundation for a marriage, a foundation that withstands the storms that come, is the integrity of those who make the vows to each other.

The question I need to be asking myself on a regular basis is this: "What kind of integrity do I have?"

Works Cited Section